“The Gift” Part 3 – But what about?

“I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another” – 1 Corinthians 7:7

So to recap, last post we established a conclusion about singleness, namely that it is better than marriage. Now it’s better because of one attribute, being able to devote oneself more wholly to God, but still categorically better. To say otherwise is, I believe, to be untrue to Scripture.

But that leaves us with a question, “If singleness is better than marriage, should I be single for the rest of my life?”

And the answer is maybe.

Maybe you should. I don’t know, quite frankly. It may be that you genuinely could and would use that extra time and energy for the service of God. If so, I hope you do. Maybe you shouldn’t though. Maybe you would be too tempted with various sins and desires to the point where you would actually serve less. It’s different for everyone, each has his own gift.

The wrong way to approach it, however, is to do what we usually do. The argument I usually hear is, “Well I’m attracted to members of the opposite gender, therefore, I should get married.” Not every pastor begins his Christian life with a desire for ministry. And many a missionary is created by an unexpected short-term experience.
Also, I believe we have Scriptural support to believe that Paul at least entertained some desire for a wife, but denied himself what he saw as an obvious pleasure for the sake of ministry.

So how should we go about thinking about singleness?

I think the most helpful answer comes by analogy to another possible state in the Christian life, one that everyone believes is both better and more difficult, that of becoming a pastor.

Most of us would probably agree that the pastoral life has both it’s unique benefits, one of the chief of which is being able to completely devote one’s time to the study and ministry of God’s word (note a similarity here?), in addition to being able to share in the joys of others and gain greater insight into the things of God. But, it certainly has it’s peculiar difficulties, such as the weight of multiple souls, numerous thankless responsibilities, long hours, low pay and so on. There’s quite a lot to deter one from pursuing this lifestyle. Yet some still do. And they do so because of God’s gifting them to do so (the parallels continue!). Despite initial desire or lack thereof, what ultimately determines whether one should go into the ministry is whether God has so gifted you. And, as with all other gifts, it is certainly possible to ignore and leave useless because of a will set stubbornly against it.

So what am I getting at here? My proposition is that singleness, like full-time ministry, is position of devotion to God that should be both highly esteemed and considered. I honestly think that most, if not all, Christians ought to seriously consider serving the Lord in a lifelong state of singleness. The lure of a greater opportunity to devote ourselves to God and the heavenly reward that comes with such service ought to turn our heads and inspire us to think long and hard about whether or not we can go down such a road, whether we have been gifted by God to be able to live in devoted singleness, which is not the same as having no desire to marry.
I also think that most people will, rightfully, end up saying that no, they cannot. No, they’re not gifted this way.
I say that because it seems to be the norm of how God’s worked throughout history. It may be that He will raise up a generation of Christians that can only propagate itself by evangelism. If so, I hope the world takes notice of how great God is in the forsaking of earthly comforts for something better on a grand scale. It does not seem He has done so in the past, and so I assume that the norm still is that most are not given this gift.

But we all should consider it. We should want to be able to devote ourselves wholly to God. We should want to serve Him to the full extent we can.
The methods may be different. Marriage showcases Christ and the Church. It needs to be done as well. But those “who have wives” will need to find a way to “live as though they had none.” Not indifferently, but devotedly to Christ in, through, and (it seems in line with the logic of the passage) in spite of marriage.

More on this next post.

-djstevens

“The Gift” Part 2: The Giftening.

As I continue this series on singleness, today we’re going to look at what it is the bible says about the state of singleness largely irrespective of everything else. What I mean by that is, I’m not going to factor in extenuating circumstances or issues of “calling.” Those will be reserved for my next post, so if you intend any comments along the lines of “but not for everyone!,” I know. The weakness of a series is that you won’t address everything in every post.

Having said that, I will now turn to my reading of 1 Corinthians 7.

And any honest reading has to come to one conclusion: Singleness is better than marriage.
It’s not the popular conclusion, but I think it’s the textual one. And here’s why.

“I wish that all were as I myself am (that is unmarried)” verse 7a.
“To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am” verse 8.
“Are you fee from a wife? Do not seek a wife” verse 27b.
“So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better” verse 38.

I think that from these passages it is safe to infer that Paul saw the state of singleness as preferable to that of marriage, so much so that he wished that everyone (or at least everyone in the church) would be unmarried. Marriage is good, Paul says, but singleness is better.

And so we should ask (indeed, we naturally do ask), in what way is singleness supposed to be better?

And I think one thing we need to be clear on off the bat is that we’re not talking about a legal, moral better here. Paul’s clear that he who marries “has not sinned.” (To which we say, “of course,” but his argument does run the risk of leading to that conclusion otherwise.) The way Paul views this decision is one between to good options. Both are good. Both are glorifying to God. It’s just that one is, in some way, better. And this does correct the way we think. We tend to think of the choice as between an obvious good and a “good.” Something like becoming a monk or fasting 8 times a week. But in Paul’s mind what we’re facing here is a decision between two legitimate, robust goods.

And so we’re again faced with the question, how is singleness better?

“I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord” verses 32-35 (emph. added).

Paul sees singleness as better than marriage universally. It is better as a category to him. And the reason why is because Paul sees that an unmarried person has greater possibility to focus solely on God. The unmarried person is able to have less distractions, less anxieties, and less divided devotion to the Lord.
This is no small thing. To push singleness off as some second-rate gift is to say that you value a desire for another person more highly than the opportunity to give more of your time, attention and affection to God. And that is serious.

And it’s compounded by the fact that most of the people who read this blog are unmarried. So the question arises, what are you going to with that? How are you going to view it? As a time to spend waiting for some better situation? Or maybe, just maybe, as a position in which you can serve the Lord wholeheartedly, joyfully, with fewer distractions and limitations? Maybe as an actual gift, maybe one you get to keep, as opposed to a temporary setback on the road to a good life?

-djstevens

P.S. Comments/disagreements/questions are welcome.
P.P.S. There are two more posts coming, God willing, one on individual application, and another on the point.

“The Gift”

As a whole, we do not have a biblical view of singleness. What’s worse, we don’t really want to have one either. Instead we tend to stay away from the topic with a peculiar mixture of fear and loathing.

And it’s evident in how we talk and how we act. We obliquely refer to perpetual singleness as “The Gift,” much in the same way the ancient Greeks called the Furies, “The Kindly Ones.” We think as long as we pay lip-service we’ll be spared.

But that’s so far from the view of singleness offered in the Bible, so far from the joyful lives of Paul and Christ himself. And we can’t be content to stay this way. When the Bible speaks, we should listen and we should agree both intellectually and emotionally. It can be hard to do (that is properly bringing one’s understanding in line with Scripture), but it’s necessary. And so, here, I propose a series to help us better understand this oft neglected topic.

Stay tuned

-djstevens